At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
