My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
