We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
