its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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