turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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