she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
