I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
