happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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