My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
