Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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