So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
