just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
