i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
