what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
