i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
