i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
