I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
