He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
