oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
