Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
