I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You pole danced in your parka.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
