for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Four minutes until I can fart!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
