I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was CRYING into my vagina
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
