That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
