bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
