I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
