Jerry, you need to find god
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
