OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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