is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
