I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
