I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
