I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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