There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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