She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
