Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
