he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
