After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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