.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
