The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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