i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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