Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
