critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
whose parrot is this?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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