my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
