Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
