Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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