I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
