before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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