I have demons in me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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