p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
