There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Im part way to drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
