So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
