yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
