i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
birth control should be required to get into college
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
