My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
