tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bring me that man meat
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
