Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
