i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
