My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
